Springtime in the Rockies

Today was officially the first day of spring! In Utah, the date doesn't guarantee anything; we could as easily have a snowstorm as sunshine. But it's been a pleasant, warm week, and today seemed quite delightful. It's fun to see the crocuses popping up, the forsythias in bloom, the swelling buds on the fruit trees, and most especially, the daffodils. I have always loved daffodils!

A happy note

We are very much looking forward to Friday — P-day for our Elder! We're hoping for an email, though we hear reports that the email accounts aren't getting set up very quickly. In the mean time, we've had to make do with a few scribbled notes from him, requesting items he needs (his other scriptures, clothing items, cookies, etc.). We continue to worry about how Matt is adjusting and how he's feeling. We have visions of depression, discouragement at the study demands, loneliness in missing his friends, struggles with early morning hours, etc.

Today in the mail we got one of those short notes requesting a few things. At the bottom was a tiny "PS" that meant the world to us. Amazing how a few words can convey so much!


We're still eager for the full letter, but for now, our hearts are much more at peace.

A son in the MTC

It's "the day after." I drove by the MTC on my way to a meeting, and the emotions were strong. My son is in there! He's somewhere in one of the buildings, in a class or a meeting or an activity of some kind. I wish I could see him, or talk with him. I hope he's doing well.

I loved my time in the MTC, and being there for a few minutes with Matt brought back lots of sweet memories and emotions. I hope and pray it will be a wonderful, positive time for him as well.

It was so very bittersweet to drop Matt off at the MTC yesterday, as I'm sure is usually the case for most parents. We have looked forward to this day since he was a child ("I hope they call me on a mission..."). At times, we have wished the day would come sooner; at others, we've wanted to postpone the day and prepare more. But when it's really here, there are way too many emotions crowding together:

• Of course, one of the greatest emotions is the joy of having a son who is worthy and desirous to be there. There is not a place we'd rather have him be today, not an activity we'd rather have him engaged in. We know he was called by God and will be greatly blessed by this mission, and will be able to bless and serve as "an instrument in the hands of God" as he does his best. That brings us great joy.
  
  
• There is sadness in the realization that a phase of our lives has now ended. Sarah is already very independent and not likely to return home; and now, even if Matt comes home for a season after his mission, he will be much more grown up and independent (we assume!). We are basically done raising our children, and will never return to that time in the same way.
  
  
• I think I am a little surprised at the emptiness I feel in many ways — or is it loneliness? For 19 years, and maybe especially for the last year, we have been so involved in Matt's life. We've been conscious and aware of almost every step and activity; we've tried to help and guide and direct. But now, nothing. Not only do we have no involvement and influence, we don't even have awareness of what he's doing or thinking or feeling! It's such a strange difference, to go from one extreme to the other so abruptly. All we can do is hope and pray and wait.
  
  
• There is concern in my heart about the challenges and stress ahead for Matt. These next two months will be difficult for him in many ways; making the adjustment from his "former life" to the new regimen (both in schedule and focus), going through the challenges of learning Spanish, missing his friends (and maybe his family), and so on. We'll be praying as never before for the help he will so desperately need!
  

I have learned much from Matt, and with Matt, during the past 19 years. During this final year I've had to accept that he would not prepare for his mission the way I wish he would; his personality and approach to life are just too different from mine. That was hard for me; I wanted so much to help him but found I wasn't able to, not very much. I couldn't make him into a copy of myself. I had to work with him the way he was.

We've had some wonderful experiences together. We've gone hiking and camping. We rode bikes on remote trails. We've played golf and racquetball. I've bought him music he liked and helped him on the computer. He's helped me in the yard, mowed the lawn, cleaned the cars. When he wanted to get into body building, we joined the gym together and worked with a trainer. There are many sweet memories.

I've tried to tell missionary stories and have gospel conversations whenever we could. We've prayed together. I gave him Priesthood blessings and ordained him an Elder. We home taught together and taught lessons in a fireside and in his elders quorum. We've gone to the temple. Finally, I was privileged to set him apart as a missionary.

I miss my son, my only son. God bless you, my friend.

Family party

We had an early birthday party for Mom tonight — she will be 83 years old on Saturday. Since Judy and Rachael are in town but will be leaving on Thursday, and since Matt is entering the MTC on Wednesday, this was a good chance for the family to assemble at the Seville. We purchased some "Sensuous Sandwiches" in honor of Mom's preferences from years past, and had some birthday cake too.

Unfortunately, Mom was not very responsive tonight. She's had a couple of tough weeks. There have only been one or two days during the past 10 where she was alert and cheerful. She's so tired and sluggish; she just spends most of the day in bed, and it's a struggle to get her up for meals. I hope with the warming spring weather she'll do better again!

Temple trip

It was kind of a cold and drizzly day today, but with time rapidly running out, I took the day off from work and drove with Matt to Salt Lake for a temple session. He had only been to the Mount Timpanogos temple previously for an endowment, so this was a good experience. It was wonderful to share the time in that magnificent building, and then to talk afterwards about the significance of the building and the things that take place in it.

I love having these kinds of experiences with Matt. It has not been easy to match our schedules in this last year; but every time we've both made sacrifices to make it happen, we've been grateful and been blessed for the effort. I am not sure he appreciates that as much as I do, but I hope the memories will linger and bless in the future!

No more waiting...

This is Matt's last week of work (Thursday will be his last day). The countdown is getting intense! Bonnie and I went out to lunch at Los Hermanos for one last time while he was serving, and of course, requested to be seated in his section. He actually came and stood right at the table next to us to talk to another party, not realizing we were there. Then the host must have told him there was someone seated in his section by request; we saw him poke his head around the corner to check us out, and a big grin came on his face.

Matt is a good waiter. It took him a while to really learn the menu and methods; but we like to watch him "in action" now. He has such an easy-going personality and loves to talk with people, so this is a natural setting for him.

We're probably a little biased, but it works out well for Matt; I don't think he has many customers that tip 100% of the check. :-)

Getting wheels

I took Mom to the dermatologist this morning. She's had a growth in her left ear for some time, kind of a wart-like thing, that's bothered her. The Dr said likely not serious, but recommended he "scrape it off" and send it in for analysis. Then she won't keep picking at it. The process went pretty well.

When we arrived at the clinic, the closest entrance was blocked off for construction, and from where we parked we had a good distance to go. After getting in the building, I suggested to Mom that she sit in a wheelchair. She was pretty resistant to the idea, but once she was sitting and we were moving, she was surprisingly pleased — "This is nice! I like it!" She stayed in the chair for the whole visit — down the long halls, into the doctor's office, then back to the car. It sure made it convenient for me.

This is a mixed blessing — good in that she's willing to accept a new accommodation to her declining abilities, but sad in that it shows how those abilities are declining. She's had a tough week and has not had much energy; and in general, is gradually getting more dizzy and more unsteady on her feet. I worry when I see these trends. I hope she perks up as the weather gets a little warmer and sunnier!

Tomorrow, I'll take her to the dentist; that should be even more fun.

Happy birthday to...

Today was my birthday. Since it was Sunday, it was a normal "work day" in most ways — meetings and interviews through most of the morning and afternoon. But there was a nice difference through the day. My cellphone would periodically "buzz" in my pocket, and I knew I had received another birthday wish. My birthday was registered on Facebook, and friends would notice the listing and would post a greeting on my "wall" which would be forwarded to my Blackberry. I received dozens of them throughout the day. The little buzzes were regular expressions of love! When I had a chance to stop and read them, they were very heartwarming. It was a delightful new touch to a birthday.

The afternoon and evening were wonderful too. Sarah and Brian came over for dinner, and Matt was in a good mood. We enjoyed the time together. I sure do love my family!